I have been having a hard time lately. Something isn't quite right with me. I know that I am going through a time of growth in my relationship with God, but man it's no fun. It's so incredibly hard to let go of the old and morph into something new and better. Sure I want it more than any one and yes it's exciting, but the process hurts oh so bad. I have never had the tug in my heart that I have had this weekend. I know it's for the good but at times it's hard to see the good, the light. I know what needs to happen, I do. Do I want it? Yes, without a doubt. Am I scared? Yes! When will it happen? I don't know. All the uncertainty kills me, but that is what I have to let go of, my plans, wants, what I think I need.

This morning I was sitting in the living room listening to a preacher on TV, Charles Stanley, he was talking about how God puts us in valleys before we can get to the top of the mountain. In these valleys we feel as if we can't see anything but darkness, but that is EXACTLY where God wants us to be. He is so busy at work in us in these valleys. I'm in probably one of the deepest valleys I have been in, in my whole entire life, right now. I can't wait to get to the top of that mountain and see just what God has planned for me and my life. But he also said we need to stay in the valley, this is so true, because of this valley I'm going to learn who I am, what I want, and just how much God loves me!

I'm so thankful to have friends, parents, friends' parents, etc. to encourage me through this time. They have no idea what it means, they are small little lights in my valley when I think I have none. But most of all I need to rest knowing that my Jesus knows where I am, He feels my feelings, He knows my thoughts and He wants this growth even more than I do!

I will be clinging to my Bible and worship music during this time. :)

"There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning." We/I never know when my morning will be...