I have been having a hard time lately. Something isn't quite right with me. I know that I am going through a time of growth in my relationship with God, but man it's no fun. It's so incredibly hard to let go of the old and morph into something new and better. Sure I want it more than any one and yes it's exciting, but the process hurts oh so bad. I have never had the tug in my heart that I have had this weekend. I know it's for the good but at times it's hard to see the good, the light. I know what needs to happen, I do. Do I want it? Yes, without a doubt. Am I scared? Yes! When will it happen? I don't know. All the uncertainty kills me, but that is what I have to let go of, my plans, wants, what I think I need.

This morning I was sitting in the living room listening to a preacher on TV, Charles Stanley, he was talking about how God puts us in valleys before we can get to the top of the mountain. In these valleys we feel as if we can't see anything but darkness, but that is EXACTLY where God wants us to be. He is so busy at work in us in these valleys. I'm in probably one of the deepest valleys I have been in, in my whole entire life, right now. I can't wait to get to the top of that mountain and see just what God has planned for me and my life. But he also said we need to stay in the valley, this is so true, because of this valley I'm going to learn who I am, what I want, and just how much God loves me!

I'm so thankful to have friends, parents, friends' parents, etc. to encourage me through this time. They have no idea what it means, they are small little lights in my valley when I think I have none. But most of all I need to rest knowing that my Jesus knows where I am, He feels my feelings, He knows my thoughts and He wants this growth even more than I do!

I will be clinging to my Bible and worship music during this time. :)

"There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning." We/I never know when my morning will be...

The stress has arrived

School is back in full swing, I think every other college student would agree. School for me equals stress. Which is no good. I had my first test today definitely not expecting more than I C on it. Ekkk!! I just hope the rest of the semester doesn't end up bring this way. That would not be good. I have two tests next week, microbiology and geography. Fun fun.

I have been running some lately, it relieves stress. Sometimes I find my self wanting to go to the gym to get away from school work. But not often. Remember we are talking about Brittany here! Hopefully this will continue lord knows I need to run all I can.

I have found a new favorite drink at starbucks. Carmel apple spice! Yall go try it, its delicious. I could drink one every day but I have limited myself to two so far. I had my second one today and it was heavenly. Ha!

My nursing application has been out of my hands for 22 days now and its killing me. I called to see if it had been filed yesterday and talked to a really rude lady and she said that she couldn't look for me because they had over 500 applications in. I hope that she was exagerating a little because if not. That's a lot of people for just 130 spots.

Okay I'm done rambling about random stressors and stress relievers. I hope yall have a wonderful week and weekend. Ill be helping paint shutters. :)

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Stepping Up

It's time for me to step up in my faith. Tonight Sarah and I had a big heart-to-heart and she helped me realize just how much I am lacking. Some things have "gone down" recently, for lack of better words, and I need to be ME. I need to find my identity in Chirst and be my own person. How hard this is! It's awful. I feel alone. I can only hope this gets better. Tonight Sarah reminded me of things in church today. Oh how I am using them tonight.

1) Don't be a doormat. Stand up for the One who stood up for you. We have to give our lives and our thoughts over to Him to live for Him. We have to do/act like He wants us to. We have to be a "harnessed stallion." With God as our harness guiding us through life. We should be meek individuals. Meek = strength under control. "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5

2) The world dethrones Jesus Christ and enthrones self. Meekness dethrones self and enthrones Jesus Christ! - Branson Sheets, Lead Pastor, Covenant Church

3) We closed the service with the song "Though none go with me still I will follow, Though none go with me still I will follow, Though none go with me still I will follow. No turning back, No turning back." Wow, this might get me through the next days. Actually I know it will. I feel so so alone. Don't get me wrong I have some great people to talk to but I still some how feel so alone. Sarah said to me tonight, "This is a place where God wants you, you are in the perfect spot."

This is going to be a big growth spurt for me. I know it, it's extremely hard but will be so worth it in the end. :)

A Beautiful Life

I was in the car on Friday going to sign my lease at NCC and this song came on the radio. You know what? It hit me hard. I'm loving my life right now. Some people are going through struggles, hurts, needs, wants, etc. and I'm living my life. I kinda feel bad that I have had such a good, beautiful life and some people are struggling. But I'm loving it right now. I couldn't be anymore thankful for the life I have because it's beautiful!

You know sometimes I think we get down in the dumps over a single week, day, hour, minute. We have to see through that time in our lives and look to the future. "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride." I think this is a great line to live by, we need to look back sometimes and see just how far we have come, whether it be growing in our relationship with the Lord in a time of hurt and struggle or it be seeing how far we have made it in life and our successes.

I Wanna Be A Nurse When I Grow Up

I want to be a nurse when I 'grow up.' As I sit hear and read blogs about babies fighting for their life or going to the doctor for check up after leaving the NICU or graduating from the NICU to the step down unit I realize each and every time that this is for me. I have no other desire to do anything else but be a NICU nurse. I believe God has specifically placed this want in my heart. I just know that I will be good at caring for babies born prematurely or born with the struggle to breathe. It's me! I can do this, I just know it. I want to be able to look a parent in the eyes and tell them how good there baby is doing and that they will be taking their precious one home in a few days or be able to be honest and hurt with the parent as their child is fighting for their life. I want to be the nurse who the parents trust to leave their child with each and every day. I want to be the nurse that assists in giving sick babies a fighting chance at life. I will be all of this and more one day. It might take long, hard nights on my part to get there, it may take applying to nursing schools other than ECU (lets hope not, but me being me I have to be realistic), it may come down to having to move out of my 'comfort zone' to find a job after school, it may take a few years to be the nurse I have described but one day I will be. I have more fire behind me now than I ever have. And I like this feeling.

all in the week

- monday: school started. blah! classes are boring, i have to resist shutting my eyes. thankfully monday classes aren't too bad. i had a meeting with my advisor to look over my nursing application. she approved, said it looked good and that i didn't need to retake that NLNPAX exam. hall-la-lu-yer! yall seriously don't have any idea how bad i didn't want to take this again. i just now had to see if i could get a refund. we picked up our running shoes again (me, L, and S) it felt good but hurt. oh man my legs hurt.
- tuesday: classes ALL day long. at least i get to endure this with Lauren. it helps some to have a friendly face sitting beside you in classes. at least we can exchange looks of misery. today it was still nasty, a little icy.
- wednesday: same old, same old. we turned in our nursing applications this day. i believe i can't remember if we turned them in on tuesday or wednesday. whatev! i joked that we were hopefully turning in the rest of our lives. which kinda we did...
- thursday: nothing to exciting. we went to VCM as a whole apartment. it felt like a little family going to church, which it was. it was good to be back at VCM. the band is soo talented. signing is my favorite part even though i get so hot. i don't know why i sweat bullets?
- friday: went to class. drove the hour home, i don't think i could live any longer than an hour away. it's soo boring. ate lunch with daddy at a newer mexican restaurant in Zebulon. it was yummy! ive had better but i will definitely go back again. then i ran/walked a little over a mile. i know its not much but its more than i was doing.
- saturday: i slept in. its nice to be home because i have done absolutely nothing. i did walk a little with momma and then i ran a little later. im really trying to do good in the exercise department. :) sarah will be proud. ms. health and human performance major. i also have been browsing the CNA jobs out there today. can i just say ugh ugh and ugh. i dont like looking for a job. its a pain. good news right now there are plenty of neonatal NP jobs, hopefully that will be the same in about 6 years of so.

yep. no pictures but thats my week. i didn't have anything else to blog about and one day who knows i might look back and wonder what i weeks were like.

ps- i didn't care about grammar or anything in this post. sorry! just ignore it the best you can, even though that might have been hard

Christmas Break

I have a post with pictures. Granted they are all from my phone but at least it's pictures. Right? right. :) They summarize what I did over Christmas break.



Me and Josh after we ripped through Santa and presents from Mom and Dad. I loved everything I got and as always Momma and Daddy spent way too much on us. We were more than pleased with our presents. I couldn't have asked for more, well maybe not getting up so early but that makes it Christmas morning. We always get up early "play" with our Santa, eat breakfast and then open presents from Mom and Dad and then we all crash.


We got snow on Christmas day and all that night. We woke up to 10 inches. BLISS!! I loved it. We (Me, Josh, Marah, Josh, Kellie, Alex, and Zach) all got up and went sledding. Tons of fun but I'm not as young as I used to be. I was sore afterwards. Granted we were jumping over drain pipes and jumps made from packed snow. On one jump you could get about 4 feet of air! No joke. We all had a blast!


After the snow playing Lady Bug was sore too. I wasn't the only one, except she couldn't get up. Her hips hurt her. This is Daddy laying on the floor with her the first night. So sweet!


I watched tons and tons of football. State won :), ECU lost :(, and that was all I cared about, but I have watched enough football to last me this year and one more. I'm football-ed out!


Me and Momma went shopping one day and then went to Amedeo's, an Italian restaurant that is decked out in State stuff, I love this place but only get to eat there once a year if I'm lucky. This time I got a canoli and it was heaven on earth!


We celebrated Unlce Chuck's birthday and ate all the normal food, black eyed peas, collards, etc. for New Year's Day at the same time.


I went to Sonic and used a gift card I've had for a really long time and got a drink. Yum! I actually went twice.. in the same day.


I threw around the baseball with Josh and then I helped him practice his hitting. He is trying to build up "something or another" since his fractured growth plate and collar bone dislocation. The boy can't stay out of the orthopedic office.

Sickness

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I finally finished my last antibiotic and guess what? 2 days after I finished I'm sick again. Just lovely! I went to the doctor today and he said that I have a sinus infection still, looking at the good side at least the strep is gone. But he did say that if this new, stronger antibiotic doesn't work that it could be meningitis. What?? I looked at him like he had two heads. I hoping for just a really bad sinus infection. haha! If that doesn't put things into perspective. I'd take a sinus infection over meningitis any day, any time. Hopefully this will all be gone before I have to head back to school on Thursday. Please Jesus! I like being sick at home, not at school.

Anyway The Bachelor update. I watched it with Lauren and Kris even though I didn't feel well and I think this season is going to be good. First, I can't believe Brad is 38, that's old for this show considering all the girls are between 24 and 32.

I really like Ashley H., the dentist and Ashley S., the nanny, from NC. I also really liked Emily, she seemed sweet and sincere. And one I didn't like at all, the model with vampire teeth Madison. She didn't get cut I was hoping she would, but did you see when she hugged Brad after getting her rose she acted like she was going to bite his neck while showing her vampire teeth. Oh my! That's not normal hah!

My TV Obsession

My one and only reality TV show premiers tomorrow night. Y'all I can't hardly contain myself seriously.. The Bachelor is coming on TOMORROW!!!!

Me and Lauren (and Kris) will be watching this man at 8 pm...



...well Kris will probably be focusing on the 20 women but that's beside the point.

I'll shall report tomorrow about who I like and so on. I'm super excited, this may be a little unhealthy. It should be super good and drama filled. Oh man, I'm excited. On the real y'all! (Hey Em!)