Waiting Alone

Waiting for the right guy to come along is so hard. Especially during the summer because there is so much time to just sit and dream about your life and future, so to speak. You see all the other girls with their boyfriends/fiancées and you wonder if you will ever find Mr. Right. I mean I see so many people dating, getting engaged, getting married and honestly I feel left behind.

I always catch myself thinking to myself if I dressed this way, or had this color hair, if I was more tan, if I was skinner, prettier, had shorter/longer hair... you get the idea. I always have to tell myself over and over again that that's not true, I only tell myself this so I will believe it. And it's not what's on the outside, I get that, but you see the outside first. Am I making any sense here. I feel like the outside is important and many times that initial attraction. I don't know if that's true or not but I feel like it is, that's for sure!

Also, everyone says just focus on your relationship with the Lord and blah blah blah blah blahh. Yes, I love the Lord and I do my best to fill myself and spend time in the Bible and with Him daily. Sometimes yes I do fail, but does everyone? I know that Jesus HAS to be my first and for most priority ALWAYS, relationship or no relationship, but I almost just want to say to people spending more time in the Word is not going to get me a man. It's not like I put change into a gum ball machine and the more I put in the better my piece of gum is. Terrible analogy but whatever.

Another thing that burns me up is when people are like, you just have to get out there and test the waters. I, truthfully, am scared of getting hurt, sure that is a risk you have to take, but I would love to know that I am going to spend a long time with someone or can definitely see that guy as "marriage material" before I invest time and such into the relationship. For me it's not quite as easy as just talking to someone and dating. I would like to have a little hint of who this person is and not just someone that I know of.

I do want to say that I know once I do find the one I know that my world will not be made "right" and be perfect. It will still be far from perfect because I am far from perfect and he will be far from perfect. It's just that my heart aches for that companionship, if you will.

All this to say, I do trust that the Lord has someone for me but gah-lee I'm getting tired of waiting. I really don't want to be 50 and just getting married, shoot I don't want to be 30 and just getting married. But those are MY plans, so only God knows. Anyway, I guess I'll go back to my fun single life and live it up with my family and most of all enjoy my single life because one day I won't be able to get it back!!

My devotion for July 2nd (the day I wrote this post) from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:
Let me show you my way for you this day. I guide you continually, so you can relax and enjoy My Presence in the present. Living well is both a discipline and an art. Concentrate on staying close to Me, the divine Artist. Discipline your thought to trust Me as I work My ways in your life. Pray about everything then, leave outcomes up to Me. Do not fear My will, for through it I accomplish what is best for you. Take a deep breath and dive into the depths of absolute trust in Me. Underneath are the everlasting arms! Psalm 5:2-3 Deuteronomy 33:27

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3


PS - This is not a post for people to feel bad for me I just want to have posts like this to read one day to remember all aspects of my life.