The Valleys

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you are walking around aimlessly? You feel like you are just struggling to talk to people and interact with others? I've been like that a whole lot recently. You just don't know exactly what is going on with you other that something is stirring up your spirit and it completely makes you non functional.

I think, actually I know, I am in a valley. Honestly, I'm learning some huge life lessons, right now, about walking with the Lord, in step and in His will. It's is one on the hardest things that I have done, but I know that on the other side of this I will be stronger and more of the woman that He wants me to be.

I remember back to middle school, I went on a retreat with church. We went down to the beach to this "village" (I don't remember the name of it, but we got a blue shirt) and there was several "mini houses" and then a beach house that was on the ocean where we, as a group, met. One of our activities was to draw a map of valleys and mountains that we had experienced in our walk with Jesus.

I remember drawing these huge mountains to emphasize the DEEP valleys I had been through. And at that point I was not in a valley, I specifically remember ending on top of a mountain.

Today, my drawing would be much, much different.

I would have leveled out those valleys a little bit and drawn some bigger mountains/valleys during my college years. This is the second valley I have been in since college, my first was freshman year. I love being able to look back and see that I came out better, and knowing all of the "pain and suffering" is worth it in the end.

This second valley I'm experiencing is probably the toughest so far, but they always seem like the toughest in the midst of them right? side note: I wonder if I'll look back at this and think man if only I knew what was coming in the years ahead

I have been really having to press into the Word and pray like never before. I don't know I just feel so different this time around, it's weird and I really don't know how to put it into words.

It's almost like I don't need any guidance in this valley, no human could help me except for me. Yes, I want to talk to people and get their advice, but times before this I almost needed someone to hold my hand and tell me what to do. I needed someone to tell me how to fight my own battle and lean on Jesus.

Yes, I still would love for someone to walk through this for me, but this is for me, this is a place where I'm meant to grow and learn and love my way through this.

I have been really reading certain verses to sustain me this time. The one that comforts me always is Romans 6:38-39. This verse tells me that no matter what, my Jesus is fighting this battle with me and nothing can work it's way in-between us. No matter how small something may make me feel, he will always love me, protect me, strengthen me and have me in the palm of his hand.

Simply, Psalm 23, always, "the Lord is my Shepard" "He restores my soul" "He comforts me" Yes! These verses remind me that I walk through valleys like these for a reason, the Lord doesn't guide you where He doesn't want you. He is always, always, always going to teach us and build us up in His way. We are to walk like Him. This particular Psalm right now, tells me that I am a little baby animal and the Lord is truly my Shepard. Which I like envisioning it like this, he can see across the lands ahead of us. Meaning, He knows the best path to guide me to so I can walk, He knows the outcome when I don't because he sees all the different "paths," and He is going to protect and comfort me on the walk. At the end my soul will be restored and I will be walking more in His will than I was before & I will have a peace about it.

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" I'm waiting! Lord, I'm waiting! Your will, not mine! I'm working on the being strong and letting my heart take courage, at the moment.

I want to live my life for You and show everyone else how great my life is because of You! Do what you have to Lord, whatever!

*if this was kinda deep, and not really what you were expecting, sorry! I just need to write sometimes to really get a hold of what is happening and tonight was one of those times.